Something happened in my life some time ago, where my heart broke and sunk so deep.
Only by God's grace, have I sustained and pushed through.
The pain though - it's a feeling like no other.
It's so hopeless, it's terrifying. How am I ever going to get out of feeling like this?
It feels like there may never be a way out, that you may be stuck there forever.
I will say that I've made a promise to myself to never get into a spot where I may end up feeling this pain again.
In those moments, sometimes I doubted God. I doubted His promises. I doubted that He would really, truly, pull me through. I doubted that He would bring joy back to my life. It's so scary to think that maybe God really doesn't care about you. Because, honestly, I feel that without God, there is no point to life. What would be the point of my life if God wasn't there or didn't care?
It has taken time, but I will say that God is so faithful. God does keep His promises, 100% of the time. God DID pull me through. God DID bring joy back into my life. God really does love and care about me. I let myself think that my pain was bigger than my God, and how wrong I was. So, so very wrong.
Even though the pain was so unbearable at times, ultimately it has drawn me so much closer to Jesus. My life is so much more different now than before the trial God presented me with. My viewpoint in life has dramatically changed. Now, I can't get enough of Jesus (Psalm 42:1-2). I would say that I love Jesus more now than I ever did before. Now I know what true and genuine joy is! I know Jesus is in my life and that He will never leave me. :) I like to think of myself climbing a "spiritual ladder" and ascending greatly now!
My heart breaks though, for those who may not see this or understand it. But if you're hurting, if you doubt God and if He's really there. Let me tell you, HE IS! God is so incredible and wonderful and loving and you can trust Him! You just have to hang on, and He will bring through whatever you're facing. I'm a living example of this! And in the end, it has only made me stronger, it has only made me more in love with Jesus. You will see this too, but you have to keep hanging in there. God will give you the strength that you cannot find in yourself!
"But the needy will not always be forgotten, nor the hope of the afflicted ever perish."
"Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we[a]have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand. And we rejoice in the hope of the glory of God. Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us."
"But blessed is the man who trusts in the LORD, whose confidence is in him."