My Story

Being the youngest out of eight children, I felt the pressure. Some Sunday's, in fact, most Sunday's in church weren't easy. I knew that when I walked through the doors, I needed to become a different person. Yes, I wore the mask. Don't we all at one point or another?

Most expected that I was a believer, coming from a typical Christian family. But truth be told, I wasn't. I wasn't interested. Most Sunday services I sat there day dreaming away the time, hoping it would go a little faster.

Deep down inside I did believe God existed, and a part of me wanted to know what He was really all about. Nevertheless, a greater part of me lacked the realization of the devastating state of sinfulness I was trapped in.
I put on the mask for several years - Not wanting the truth to get out to the public, and not wanting to disappoint my hoping parents.

It was in January of 2009 that I had decided to read the Bible through in a year. Mentally I came to a point where I thought I had a real connection to God, that a relationship was there. But in my heart, I was still as prideful and selfish as I had ever been, if not more. Shortly after, near the end of February, I made a bold step to attend a youth group where I knew absolutely no one. The courage it took was most certainly a gift from Providence.

Months later, I realized the truth. I could no longer fool myself.
I didn't know God.
And with that, I certainly didn't love Him. I loved myself.
I had been reading the Bible, praying, all of it, for myself. Because it made me feel like a good enough person.

It was a Spring night that all of it fell apart. Who was I really? A liar.
Who did I want to be? Truly a child of God.
I had come to the realization that I was a complete sinner. I feel that I caught a glimpse of what Hell must be like, the moment I realized my current separation from God. With that brief glimpse, I knew it was something I most definitely didn't want to ever actually experience, especially for an eternity.

What made it most painful was knowing that there was no way I could fix any of it. I was stuck.
How could God ever forgive me? Why should He love me?
I cried out to Him, begging for forgiveness. My heart was devastated. In that moment, I realized that life without God was not worth living.
What should I do?

It was several days later that a concerned Mother was forcing me to discuss whatever burdens had been plaguing my heart to my Father.
And so I did. For hours. With many tears.
And it was at the end of it all, then he held my hands and prayed with me.

 The brokenness I felt in my heart had been eternally repaired. I did not fix any of it - no He did. Jesus and what He did 2,000 years ago on the cross for me, for you, for all, is what fixed it. He met me where I was at, in all of my shame, in all of my regret, in all of my selfishness. He restored me. That was the day that I knew Jesus had made me white as snow.

But that is not the only day I experienced the Gospel--no--as believers, every day we should experience the Gospel, because life after salvation is a life of sanctification. Our day of salvation is only the beginning of a continuing process. I still struggle with sin. I still mess up. But now I have the strength of Jesus to depend on, not my own. He is all I need.

“The time has come,” he said. “The kingdom of God has come near. Repent and believe the good news!”
Mark 1:14-15


  1. this is so inspiring because this is so close to my story. thank you for sharing :)

  2. That makes me so happy to hear. :) I love how Christian's can be all over the place with completely different lives, yet we are all connected through God's redemption and grace! It's awesome!

    THANK YOU for sharing! :)


  3. Wow, what a powerful post. It beautifully articulates what happens when a sinner comes face to face with the wretchedness of who they are...yet in that moment, they glimpse what Jesus did on that cross. And we are washed whiter than snow! I am so encouraged by other's testimonies! Thank you for sharing.

    I'd love to have you read my story of redemption and restoration and follow along on my blog at

    Blessings and much love in Him,
    Hannah Rose


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